Why Every First Time Mom Needs A Doula

Having a doula was the last thing I wanted. Knowing that giving birth can be pretty unflattering, my first idea was to have as few people in the birth room as possible. HAHA, that changed fast but the person I would have never kicked out (besides my amazingly supportive husband) was my doula. She is the person that got me through it in the end. If you are nervous about having a doula, don't be; they are great assets in the delivery room.

As a side note, my husband really does need a shout-out. He was my rock. I had a very long labor and he was the person that I leaned on (literally and figuratively) throughout the whole process. Many of my most vivid memories during labor were of him - his face, his strength, his encouragement, and his voice as he would breathe and hum through a contraction with me. What I am trying to say is that a doula will not replace your husband. This was a fear I had and one of the reasons I hesitated when getting a doula.

But that being said, let's go over the biggest concerns I had about having a doula and how I was completely wrong, as well as the surprising bonuses of having a doula!

1: Money

I am very frugal. So, naturally, I wanted to do everything in my power to avoid taking on any debt when having our son. The last thing I wanted was to spend $1200 on a person I wasn't sure I was even going to need. Our doula offers two prenatals, birth support, one postpartum visit, and one lactation visit in her birth package. When I was looking at doulas this was about average. The average is between $800 and $2,500. This will depend on location and package of course. Honestly, you won't know until you give birth if you "needed" a doula, but I would have never traded Haylee (our Doula) for anyone in the world. When it's your first child you have no idea what labor will be like - contractions can resemble period cramps, but they are different, and you'll never know what the experience of your water breaking is like until it happens - it's all new. Having a woman that has already gone through birth and has studied ways to help you work through contractions, turn the baby into better positions, help induce labor naturally if needed, and so much more is invaluable. After my experience with Haylee, I told her I would have her at every birth and so far this is true. We are due with our second baby on May 31, 2023, and guess who is going to be at my side? My husband and my doula!

2: Is there a need for a Doula at a hospital?

We planned a birth center birth, but again our labor was very long (41 hours), and after 29 hours I transferred due to maternal exhaustion, meaning that I was dilated to a 7 and had not slept in two nights and wanted an epidural. The last thing I wanted to do was transfer to a hospital but that's what happened. I got a nap and Haylee and Aaron were there waiting for me when I woke up. Our midwives did not transfer to the hospital with us because they can't do anything in the hospital (which makes sense because they are an outpatient clinic). But my doula met us there. Not only that, but she was able to give me options when the staff said there wasn't one. She was very respectful but also was able to let me know how I could work around the bed during different contractions. In the end, she was the one that set up the rebozo and counter-pulled during contractions. There is no one way to give birth and sometimes hospital staff can be pushy on ways they want you to give birth. Sometimes this is because they are familiar with a certain way, because it's easier for them, or just because they think something will work for you. But you won't know if it's the best until you try another way. This is exactly what happened to me. My nurse even told me afterward that she wasn't going to suggest squatting because many moms can't handle it and she was impressed with the time that I spent laboring in a squat position. This of course was suggested by my doula. I don't want to create the impression that my hospital staff was not amazing, because they were. My nurse (after giving in and working with my doula) was amazing and so was the OB-GYN that delivered our son. Of course, they see a lot of births, so they think they know what a mom can and can't do or what will and won't work in labor. And as a first-time mom with a drawn-out labor, I was not in a position to try to discuss things. It's just nice to have someone step back and help guide this process. After our son was born, her job wasn't over. The whole time she was at the hospital with us she was slowing conversations down and letting us know that there were options and that we didn't need to feel forced to do one thing or the other. My labor was not emergent and she knew that. She made it very clear that we could take time and think our options through. In the end, why would anyone refuse this type of support? To answer the question, Yes, if you are planning a hospital birth IT IS STILL WORTH IT! :)

3: The Doula will replace my partner

This might not even cross most expectant mothers' minds or be an issue for them but it was for me. I knew from the moment we conceived that I wanted my husband to be my main support person. The idea of having a doula scared me. The thought that Aaron would not be by my side or that my emotional attachment would go to someone else made me very hesitant to hire a doula. This was silly in the long run because she made it clear that she would help instruct him in the moment so that he could be that person for me. When labor started Aaron was the one that did most of the supporting, he was also the one that communicated with Haylee when she wanted to try something new. Even more than that she gave him a break. When you have a long labor, sometimes it is nice if the doula and your partner can take breaks and trade on and off so that you always have someone. I know that my husband was very relieved to have her and when I told him we were having her at this next birth he was glad. I think that we often forget how scary it can be for the husband to go through this for the first time and although I can't tell his story I know that she brought him some peace of mind during the scary parts of our labor (nothing crazy - just me tired and in pain and letting everyone know). Through it all this only created a better bond between us because he was able to be more hands-on than I think he would have been without Haylee directing him.

What made me choose to have a doula then?

My midwives really pushed me to have a doula. 99% of their transfers to the hospital were due to maternal exhaustion, of first-time moms without a doula, and although I still transferred I think it would have been much sooner without my doula. The closer I got to labor the more I questioned whether I could do this naturally. This pushed me to finally hire our doula along with some donated cash from my family. We are planning a birth center birth for this next baby and although our family members haven't pitched in we are going to make it work to have Haylee with us. Looking back I think my birth would have been more traumatic if she wasn't with us. It was hard, long, and painful, but also the most wonderful experience. My husband was able to catch our son and announce to me the gender (we were surprised and will be surprised this next time too). With Haylee's help and the standards of the hospital that we transferred to (because it was non-emergent we traveled an extra 30 min away to go to this particular hospital). I was able to have an amazing experience, that I hope to remember for the rest of my life.

What I would tell a hesitant expecting mom is: If you have a way to work it out financially and you do your research, hiring a doula could be the best decision you make. Bear in mind that not all doulas are the same - you want one that people really trust. Ours was highly recommended by our midwives and had great testimonies. Regardless of how easy or hard, long or short your labor is, having a doula will be beneficial. If you have any fears or concerns talk with your doula and interview as many as you need until you find the right fit. Just know that you got this mama!

Check out this website for more information on doulas! Or Click on the picture below from their article

https://www.modestobirthandbeyond.com/the-facts

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