Letter to my Dearest Friend on Her Engagement

(This is a real letter I wrote for a dear friend of mine, I hope it can help others as well)

Here is, hopefully, a beautiful letter to a dear friend of mine on her new engagement. This is all unsolicited advice but I want to write this, to address the things I wish I had done differently or knew before planning a wedding and having babies.

First, I want to say that I love you and I am so excited for you in this new stage of life! I will be praying for you and your fiance and the beautiful life you will share. You are such an amazing woman and you truly deserve the best. There is nothing more I can say than welcome to the club it is the most amazing ride.

Planning The Wedding

As you plan for your wedding take time to remember your engagement, it can be a stressful time but it really is a special period of your life, regardless of how long or short it is. This being said chastity gets hard! I know that as our wedding day came closer and closer it was much harder to… Uhh.. stay chaste. I had friends tell me this and I didn't believe them. But, just know it does. For me, I think the immediate days leading up to the wedding it wasn’t as hard because you are so focused on last-minute projects but man the last few months were spicy to say the least. Honestly, tho, enjoy that. Once you are married, the tension is not as strong because you can fulfill the desire. Really soak in the flirtation, because although it exists in marriage it takes a different (but very good) form.

The Wedding day

All I can say is take a breath, and Video it! I didn't think I would want or need a video, but our wedding day was such a blur I wish I had more video to remember the night by. We had tons of pictures but I wish we still had a video of the ceremony and an area where our guest could have said something to us.

Reception

Don’t drink, even if you have alcohol at your wedding, it is so much better to remember the whole night. After the party, it is amazing to spend quiet time sober with your spouse. It makes everything more clear and you will be less tired (still tired) than if you have alcohol in your system. I didn’t think this was going to matter much but I am so glad that we didn’t drink anything that night!

Marriage

You have so many people in your life that are true success stories when it comes to marriage so I will not spend much time here. But I think the best advice I received before getting married was never to talk ill about your spouse to anyone, if you have something to say say it to your spouse. I think this gets harder for couples that have been married longer but I hope to always keep this rule. I don't want to ever speak ill about my husband and I don’t want to listen to others speak ill of theirs. The second best piece of advice is to always say I love you and kiss your husband every day. This is easy to remember when you don't have children. After your babies start arriving some days you and your spouse can get so tired that I have realized once I am in bed that I haven’t said I love you to the person I love most ( besides God).

Pregnancy

Don't listen to other women and their scary stories, the thing I am working on at the moment is not being afraid of birth. Mindset is everything!! Please get a doula, she is way worth your money. Vet her out and make sure you mesh well but I am telling you, my doula and my husband were the only reason I got through labor. If you can go with a midwife at the hospital or a birthing center, do it. If you go with a birthing center you will save a lot of money. Do prep for labor with pilates and stretching specific for labor and delivery! Practice pain management with programs similar to Hypnobabies (I was so skeptical but the mindset is everything in labor)

Postpartum

Take a few days with just you, your spouse, and the new baby. Don’t have many visitors if any the first few days. You can never get those first few moments back when you become a mom for the first time and your husband a dad. This is probably the most cherished and beautiful memory I have. I have written that moment over and over on paper to hope that I never forget those first moments as a family. I don’t care what anyone says about “What a woman is” If you have ever given birth you know you were made for that purpose and there is nothing better in the world than being a mother and a wife.

Motherhood

The transition into motherhood can be intimidating, there is a lot to learn but remember this when you go through it. God chose you for this child, you are the best mother this child could ever have, when it gets hard or you think that you are doing it wrong just remember that you were chosen for this child.

You are far superior in patients and grace so this next part take it with a grain of salt, but eat, sleep, and drink plenty of water, my friend. I get so frustrated sometimes with my son and 90% of the time it's because I am tired and hungry. The other 10 percent of the time is because he is tired or hungry.

When you have children if you can get a babysitter, go on a date (even if it is just a walk around the park) with your hubby. We don’t do this enough and I crave that time. Having children does change your relationship for the better in many many ways but the one on one time does take a dive for a while.

If you can wait 6 months before going back to work, take it. Your babies will grow so fast and one night you will walk up and their first year is over. They will never not crawl, walk or talk again, those new skills are here to stay, haha. Their babyness is gone and they are becoming little personalities.

IMPORTANT NOTE

Just learn the Marquette method of NFP. The other methods are not reliable when breastfeeding, just learn the method now and take a specific breastfeeding course when the time comes. Don’t just trust me but literally the entire St. Johns Catholic mom group. Many of them switched over to this method if they didn’t start with it. It will save you time to just learn it now.

Well, my friend, I love you. I am not much further in my marriage and mom life than this myself. It takes a village and fortunately, you have one. There are so many people sharing your excitement and love. We are all praying for you and your soon-to-be husband. God bless you on this journey.

Yours always,

Nat.

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